Monday 7 March 2011

Top Ten: Rapping Footballers

Because, as everyone knows, footballers always make the smoothest of transitions into the world of popular music. Here are Did You Smash It?’s Top Ten Rapping Footballers…



 
1. Andy Cole
Then Manchester United striker Cole teamed up with garage star Pied Piper to release a rap reworking of The Gap Band’s Outstanding in 1999. Sample lyric: “United forever, whatever the weather / Less than 100%? Never! / The son of a miner, funkiest rhymer / Always in the news, my crew the headliner / £7.5 mill record breaker, I’m rapping on the mic, keeping it real / I’m keeping the raw.” You can see why tabloids were so quick to label him “Britain’s answer to Will Smith”.
 
 
 
 

     2. John Barnes
This great rapsmith of the football world can claim to have laid down his dope rhymes on not one but two charting singles: Liverpool’s 1988 FA Cup Final song ‘The Anfield Rap’ (“You two scousers are always yapping / I'm gonna show you some serious rapping / I come from Jamaica, my name is John Barnes / When I do my thing the crowd go bananas”) and England’s 1990 World Cup song ‘World in Motion’ by New Order (“Catch me if you can / Cos' I'm the England man / And what you're looking at / Is the master plan / We ain't no hooligans / This ain't a football song / Three lions on my chest / I know we can't go wrong”).
 
 
 
 
 
 

     3. Paul Gascoigne
Gazza’s 1990 single ‘Geordie Boys’ is a forgotten classic, never quite managing to get the praise and attention that was lavished on his other smash hit, ‘Fog on the Tyne’. Sample lyric? We’d love to supply you with one but we can’t quite make out what he’s saying for much of it. Something about Geordie boys being “strong and proud” and “necking it down”. Have a look for yourself…
 
 
 
 

     4. Clint Dempsey
Fulham’s American midfielder also raps under the moniker Deuce and, if his single ‘Don’t Tread’ is anything to go by, his blueprint is basically cringeworthy, positive message sloganeering disguised by aggressive delivery and set to a backing track and video that all feels very ‘8 Mile’-era Eminem. However, Dempsey’s lyrical prowess doesn’t quite much up to Slim Shady’s: “Big hulking Deuce / Spittin’ truth in the booth / Stop drop and roll / I brings down the roof / Got nothing to lose / And everythin’ to prove / Don't change the mood / ‘cause we done paid our dues”. “Spittin’ truth in the booth” – what is he doing rapping during confession?
 
 
 
 

     5. Benni McCarthy
The Blackburn Rovers striker rapped on ‘Shibobo’, a 1998 hit for South African outfit TKZee which sampled ‘The Final Countdown’ by Europe. He followed this up with the release of an album called ‘Get Ready to Rumble’, which apparently was not intended as a tribute to PJ & Duncan.
 
 
 

 
6. Didier Drogba 
Naming himself Drogbacite after a dance from his native Ivory Coast that was inspired from him, the Chelsea centre-forward promised us a whole rap album a few years ago but is still yet to deliver. “Drogbacite is about me and my success,” he said in 2007. “There’s even a Drogbacite compilation CD. I need my music, especially before a game. I use it in the dressing room.” One may only assume that the album’s continued non-release is due to its being far too dope, live if you will, for regular human consumption.
 
 

     7. Ian Wright
“But in the end / The truth will be learned  / People give nothing / It must be earned / Keep pushing forward  / And fight the fight  / 'Cause things most precious / Are out of sight” – it ain’t Bob Dylan, but the then Arsenal striker’s 1993 single ‘Do the Right Thing’, in collaboration with Chris Lowe of the Pet Shop Boys, is at least a step up lyrically from “Andy Cole / break it down!”. Read this article for some fascinating behind the scenes insight 
 
 

     8. Jonathan Akpoborie
The Nigeria striker scored a hit with ‘We Will Win’ ahead of the 1998 World Cup, before getting injured and missing out on the squad.
 
 

     9. Ryan Babel
This Youtube link to the Liverpool winger demonstrating his awesome flow comes handily with a full English translation on the side but, for those without the time or inclination to listen, here are some select lines:
“I'm the Liverpool star those bitches are loving / I know what time it is - I've just bought a new watch”
 
“No caviar for us, Surinamers eat chicken / Ya'll know nothing: this is the Premier League / Representing the G / You can see this n***a with number 19 / Ya'll can f*** off, I f*** with a whole team”
 
“If somebody want beef, well come on / I like it with some pepper, homie”
 
“I have the s**t homie / I cant even spend all my money / Keep your daughter in sight / Or you will be my family / I’ll take your daughter and let her make clean / 101 Barz - this is the first time but I came hard!”
 
Good grief.
 
 
 
 

    10. Anton Ferdinand and Nigel Reo-Coker
Technically, the Sunderland and Aston Villa (respectively) players aren’t rapping on this, but their dance to the Soulja Boy Crank is still good for a chuckle…


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